dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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