ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
