I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
