maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
