Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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