There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
