Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
