I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's blow job season.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
