Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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