Me too!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
