any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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