Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
