It was confusing and full of hummus
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
