I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
