When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
