He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
