from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is Oprah even human
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
