like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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