Michael Bay diarrhea
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is my gift to your gina
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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