Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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