420 ftw
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
