I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
