if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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