He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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