This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
