I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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