Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
