I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
