As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
