Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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