Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I forget how to act sober
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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