By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
