Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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