i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
