They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
