i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
