you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
