Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
