you lied. pity sex is amazing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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