There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
