i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
