How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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