I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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