so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
