Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
