if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
