Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
