I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
