So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
