You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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