so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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